DEAR BONEHEAD:
I wouldn't recommend bungee-jumping without a bungee cord, ya know what I mean? Who cares who has more right to be mad at whom -- that's so pre-adolescent -- are you sure you're mature enough to be having sex? You've got too much time on your hands. Maybe you should spend some of it educating yourself and your boyfriend on H.I.V. and A.I.D.S.
Just in case you don't, I would like to enlighten you to the fact that this Virus can be passed orally, anally and vaginally. Interestingly enough the same losers who fear people with A.I.D.S. seem to be ignorant to the fact that sexually active heterosexuals are at highest risk for contracting and spreading the virus, simply because they are three times less likely to engage in safer sex (i.e., condoms, dental dams, hand-cuffs, whips, chains....)

Dear Banshee,
I can't help noticing that my neighbor plays darts in the nude every night before going to bed. We bump into each other around and the neighborhood and he seems gracious. I have no idea whether he knows I can see him or not. I think it would be odd if he did it purposely. What do you think?
P.T. -- Seattle, WA

DEAR WIDE EYED:
If you pull down your shade you eliminate the distraction. Then when you see him around the neighborhood you might feel less awkward and be more open to finding out more about his personality. Consider it a blessing that you know he enjoys playing with sharp objects in the nude. This sounds like a future topic for Geraldo or Gordo. The true question is why are you attracted and how can he fulfill you?

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