band members are not inherenly a problem, nor are band members' friends, and even allston is probably not an inherent problem. mixing the three can be a problem, a huge problem. parties are all about shared discomfort. nobody ever knows everybody and everyone is at least a little bit uncomfortable, but they overcome it and make new friends, and the shared discomfort provides a base line of communication. it assures that many people, if not everyone will be friendly. social discomfort of that kind is absolutely critical for a good party. what happened last night is what happens when that discomfort isn't present. what we had last night were rock stars(?) an friends, all gathered in allston, and they all knew each other. There was no discomfort factor, which was especially important for this party which needed that discomfort to offset some of the egos. i'm not trying to point fingers and assign blame, all i'm saying is that those people, in that environment, are unfriendly because they are comfortable. i have gone to at least two parties with that very same clique in the past, but they were in boston, at other people's apartments, and they were outnumbered. they're not bad people, i don't think that they meant to ostracize anybody, and when they've come to boston and gone to other parties where they don't run the show they fit in just fine (russ & craig's party, pills party @ 40 clark street, etc...). the social discomfot concept became crystal clear following the party. mic and i went to the grill & cue. i sat down and the barkeep shakes my hand and asks my name and pours me a beer. cool. i pull out a
cigarette and reach for my lighter and out of nowhere *clink* i get a light. i look up, "hey thanks buddy, what's your name?" johnny and i talked about sports and carpentry, whatever, but he was friendly. ten minutes later this blonde chick walks over and she just reeks of scene, so i smile, say hi, she looks at the glasses and gets really excited, says i look like a "clean cut alternarocker". she was a record exec for virgin, i told her about my album. whatever. the point is, some bars have a very high social discomfort factor, and consequently it's easy to meet people (depends on the bar). what are some bars that suck? boston billiards maybe? and why does it suck? because everyone goes there with at least 3 friends and they plan on leaving with the same friends, and talking to nobody in-between. can you make boston billiards cool by trying to break that trend? probably not, it's just too damn big. but last night's party in allston probably could have been fixed (from my point of view). if it were my party and there were only two guys there that i didn't know, i wouldn't wave my beer in their face and talk to somebody else at the same time (the r.l. mcintosh method of getting a light should NOT be applied to getting a beer opened), instead i would be openly friendly, i would ask their names, perhaps even introduce them to some other people and i would try to make two more friends, why the hell not. the discomfort itself is not good, being uncomfortable is not good, but overcoming that discomfort is absolutely necessary, it has to be there and it must be overcome. last night i got the impression that mic and i were the only ones feeling it, and we didn't overcome.
--The Kid