Dear Josh,
When you read the back of a V8 and it says 'sodium 880mg', that's really salt, right? Now is there a difference between sodium and salt? Or are the terms interchangeable in the nutritional world?
--Bloated in Boston

Dear Bloated,
Table salt (Sodium Chloride, NaCl) is what is known as an ionic compound. This means that when salt comes in contact with water (or saliva) it breaks apart into sodium and chlorine ions. Basically there are little atoms of sodium and chlorine floating around in your mouth. Your body needs both of these chemicals to sustain normal life, but sodium can be harmful when consumed in large quantities. The FDA (Food and Drug Administration) has set guidelines for the consumption of sodium, but not chlorine, which is why one finds information for sodium listed in the Nutrition Facts label on food items. One should be aware that the powerful chlorine lobbies have squelched motions by the FDA to print corresponding information about chlorine, when in fact chlorine consumption is the leading cause of death in America today. Write to your congressman! The truth about chlorine must be told!

Dear Josh,
Howcum salt like...ok umm here's my question like I really like salt, right? I think salt is like really the balls right, and like I like to put it on everything I eat, but like it's so inconvenient that like it comes in a shaker and umm even pouring it directly out of the canister isn't good enough. Umm what I wanna know is do they sell salt butter, ya know, like peanut butter, so you can just spread it, that'd be better for my needs. Thanks you, Josh.
--Parched in Peoria

Dear Parched,
There is no 'salt butter' product available on the market in the United States of America, however, many European countries have been marketing such a product for decades. The powerful Salt Shaker Lobby has squelched moves by Butterifico Salta of Sicily to market their product in the United States. Write to your congressman! The truth about salt butter must be told!

Dear Tim,
My question is this: is it safe to use halite, the stuff that I put on my sidewalk when it snows, on the pretzels I make?
--Bent out of shape

Dear Trent,
Halite is not just salt. Halite is what is considered 'industrial grade' salt. This means it contains many unidentified impurities. The powerful halite lobby has squelched moves by the FDA to investigate the nature of these chemicals. It is rumored that the CIA is distributing a chemical known as SC-324 via the use of halite on icy roads. Some of these chemicals are believed to be in some way linked to the appearance of mutilated cattle in many Midwestern states. In other words, although halite is indeed salt, it is not recommended that one use it in cooking. Write to your congressman! The truth about halite must be told!

Dear Josh,
Tears are salty, so can you put salt in your eye?
--Teary eyed

Dear Teary,
It's a myth. While tears are indeed salty, adding salt to one's eye would cause a number of unpleasant effects. Firstly, one would raise the eye's salt content, and the process of osmosis would 'drain' the freshwater from the inside of the eye. This would likely not be particularly harmful, but it would be very uncomfortable. Secondly, if one added salt granules, one would run the risk of scratching one's cornea, again not necessarily harmful, but unpleasant at best. Adding salt to one's eye does, however, have one very interesting effect. A psychedelic experience, similar to LSD, can be had by placing several drops of concentrated saline solution into one's eyes. The CIA put this to use during the Gulf War, creating a 'Super-Soldier'. Prolonged exposure to this is implicated as the cause of 'Gulf War Syndrome'. Write to your congressman! The truth about saline solution must be told!

Dear Josh,
Why in God's name are you so convinced there's some conspiracy surrounding salt? It's just salt, Josh.
--Your Concerned Mother

Dear Your,
How can I be sure you really ARE my mother and not someone planted by the CIA? If, per chance, you are my mother, I would like to think that you raised a "free thinker"...please mom! How could you NOT believe that there is a powerful military/industrial lobby insidiously controlling and compromising our use of salt in America! WAKE UP!!! Quite frankly, I'm surprised at you! Wasn't it YOUR generation protesting Vietnam...wasn't it YOUR generation calling for the impeachment of Nixon! Wasn't it your generation smoking pot at Woodstock!!! WHATEVER... I refuse to silence myself! The truth is out there.